Our Thing
by mattiemay1117
Summary: My name is Elena Gilbert and I am completely and undeniably in love with my best friend. (Rated M just in case for some slightly detailed slightly sexual content)
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey Guys, so this is my first fanfiction piece. I just wrote this today since I've noticed TVD is lacking in femslash. I discovered the Caroline and Elena ship (Carolena), and I fell in love. But sadly, there aren't really any fanfics out there with them as the ship. This is a one-shot for now, but depending on how many people read it and actually like it, I would like to develop it into multiple chapters going more into their relationship. So, please review and tell if you guys like it! I have no idea if anyone will actually read this or if people actually like Carolena, but we'll see!**

My name is Elena Gilbert and I am completely and undeniably in love with my best friend. I noticed her beauty the second I first laid eyes on her. Anyone could see how beautiful she was with her small symmetrical features, her golden curly locks, her perfectly shaped curves and those big blue eyes that would pierce through your own and always seemed know exactly what you were thinking…okay, yea, I guess not anyone. But still, no one could deny it, Caroline Forbes was definitely very attractive.

The instant she first came up to me with that warm smile, I felt a strange tingly sensation in my stomach and in other…places. Me being me, scared from what I could be feeling, I instantly buried any feelings other than friendship deep inside of me, ignoring and denying their existence. I mean, I couldn't possibly feel attracted to a girl, I wasn't gay. I liked guys, right?

Ignoring those feelings, me and Caroline became fast friends. She was so bright and full of life, she was funny and interesting and always saw the positive side of everything. Don't get me wrong though, she wasn't and still isn't perfect; she could be an outrageous control freak and really knew how to get on your nerves. But Caroline always meant well even if it didn't always play out that way.

Anyways, we became close really quickly and soon started to do everything together. We told each other everything. We were constantly gabbing about what guys we thought were cute or had a crush on. Although, it was mostly Caroline ranting to me as I listened or got lost in her perfect eyes or the way her lips moved as she talked…Anyways, getting off topic here, we were BFF's in blatant terms.

Throughout our freshman and softmore years of high school, Caroline dated a lot, but it never got really serious. She was still saving herself for the right guy which made me happy…I guess. She was always pressuring me to date someone and I eventually gave in when Matt Donovan finally got up the courage to ask me out. We had been good friends since we were little and I could tell he had a crush on me but never did anything about it. Until, one day towards the end of freshman year, he finally asked me out (probably from Caroline's constant encouragement and "subtle" nudging). I didn't really want to go out with him but I figured since we already got along and since I was definitely straight, I said yes.

Matt and I soon became "a thing". It was easy to distract myself in our relationship to get my mind off of Caroline. He was familiar and safe and it's not like the making out wasn't nice or anything. But despite all of that, there was just something missing, there was no spark, no passion. Matt never seemed to notice though, he was always telling me how beautiful I was and how great I was and he, of course, was the first to say I love you. Although he was technically the only one too. Yea, I know, I know, I shouldn't have strung him along but I needed him, I needed our relationship.

It was easy ignoring and hiding my feelings at first. It was fairly easy to get lost in our friendship and focus on that. Caroline certainly didn't show any signs that she at all felt the same way. It wasn't till this one sleepover we had softmore year where I just couldn't hide my feelings any longer despite having no idea what would come of me finally releasing them.

We went to our first major party that night. There was heavy underage drinking in which we definitely participated. I was hesitant at first, but Caroline, like always, was able to get me to give in. After about 2 or 3 beers, I already could barely stand up. Yup, I'm a total lightweight. At that point, I was finally able to allow myself to dance and make out with Matt, all inhibitions gone. We were deep in our kiss when I leaned back for breath and noticed we had somehow made our way to a bedroom of whoever's house we were at. Matt was obviously hinting that he wanted to take our relationship to the next level, I mean we had been dating for almost a year. I, being completely drunk, was ready to go along with it. But, once Matt had taken off his own pants and was reaching for my own waist, something snapped in me. I realized what was going on and I couldn't bring myself to do it, it just did not feel right. For a split second I thought, 'I should be doing this with Caroline', but then I quickly convinced myself it was because I just wasn't ready to go there with anyone.

I immediately without thinking, pulled myself off of him and ran to find Caroline. She was dancing with some guys obviously more plastered than I had been. I pulled her away from the boys much to her dismay.

"Caroline can we please go," I pleaded, "something happened with Matt and I need to go home."

It took a second for Caroline to register my words as her face slowly went from complete confusion to understanding as she slowly nodded. She held my hand as we navigated our way out and I couldn't stop focusing on her fingers as they intertwined with mine.

We finally made our way to my house, thank god my parents were having their date night. I fumbled with my keys as we stood on the porch, when my front door suddenly swung open. My brother was on his way out I guess to meet up with some friends. He looked at us with disgust as he brushed passed me in a hurry, not stopping to check if we were alright. Great guy my brother is.

Caroline allowed ourselves to sober up with some coffee before she confronted me about what went wrong back at the party.

"Hey, Elena. You wanna talk about what happened with Matt?"

I hesitated before speaking, "Well…um…Matt and I were you know…"

"Uhuh…"

"And we eventually made it up to one of the bedrooms, when Matt, um, started to move forward with things," I said quietly.

"Okay…wait, Elena? Did he force himself on you?! Cause I will smack the shit…"

"No, no Caroline! Matt was fine," I couldn't help but smile inside at Caroline's immediate response at the possibility of him hurting me, "He was very, um, polite. And I was going to go through with it…"

"Yea?…"

"…and then, I don't know, something happened. I guess I came to my senses and just wasn't able to do it."

Caroline nodded in understanding but I could tell she wanted to know more. She had that look on her face that she always does when she wasn't getting enough details. I was surprised she was able to hold back her burning question, she is usually much pushier.

We just kind of sat there in silence until she wasn't able to hold it in any longer.

"Do you know why, you know, you didn't go through with it?"

I was prepared for her to ask but forgot to come up with what I was going to say. I mean, I couldn't just say, "Oh yea, no biggy, I just didn't have sex with Matt because I wanted to have sex with you, Caroline."

Realizing I needed to come up with something soon, I eventually decided on, "I guess I just wasn't ready…"

"Okay," she uttered. But I am such a bad liar and knew she wouldn't believe me. I could hear the suspicion in her voice, "If you say so…"

I was just glad she didn't press me on the subject. She then eventually changed subjects and started talking about how Ben McKittrick kept trying to get her to make out with him at the party. I was glad for the distraction and could just let myself get lost in her words.

We eventually both began dozing off, so we decided to get ready for bed even though it was still only 11:30. We made our way up to my bedroom and I allowed her to change in the bathroom. She accidentally didn't close the door all the way and I could see a portion of her body through the crack. I didn't mean to notice her and I didn't mean to stare but I couldn't help it. She pulled of her shirt and unclipped her bra revealing her beautifully perfect curves and her somehow also beautiful spine. Caroline covered up with a loose camisole and then revealed her long smooth legs as she yanked off her pants and changed into a small pair of pj shorts. Once she began turning around, I snapped out of it, quickly rushing to the other side of the room pretending like I wasn't just ogling my best friend.

When I recollected myself, I realized I had this strange burning sensation between my thighs. A feeling I never felt around Matt even when he would pull of his shirt and show off his tight abs and strong arms. I quickly tried to calm down and ignore it as Caroline came back into the room and got into my bed with me.

We faced each other curled up in the bed like we always did before going to sleep. We would usually chat for a while before one of us began falling asleep but instead we just laid there in comfortable silence. I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with Caroline knowing I wouldn't be able to break it if I did. She looked so beautiful without make up on, no natural. Eventually, I realized she was staring at me and I eventually looked up to meet her gaze.

It was a mistake.

The look on her face was filled with such kindness and sympathy that my stomach instantly filled with butterflies, making me blush. I instantly turned away to look up at the ceiling, lying on my stomach.

Not knowing the true reason I turned, Caroline tried to comfort me, "Hey…Elena. It's okay if you weren't ready to have sex with Matt. I'm sure he won't be mad. He loves you and he will understand."

I hadn't even thought about what Matt would think or say or feel. I was too wrapped up in my real reason for why I couldn't do it and these persistent feelings for Caroline I just could not shake.

I realized I had to respond, "Uh…Yea…I, I hope you're right." I lied. At this point I really didn't care what Matt thought. All I cared about was Caroline.

I guess Caroline caught on, "Uhuh…Elena, are you sure that was the real reason for you not having sex with him, not being ready?" Damn Caroline! Why did she have to know me so well?

"What? Of course not…I mean…yea…yea I'm sure I wasn't ready! Okay, Caroline? What? Do I _have_ to have sex with Matt?" I panicked trying to cover up my lie but denying it a little too much.

"Elena…you know that's not what I meant. I just meant that whatever it is, you can tell me. I'll understand."

How the hell do I respond to that? I can't just confess my feelings for her. She wouldn't understand. She would probably be repulsed and never talk to me again. What do I say? I couldn't come up with a good response so I decided to just lay there in silence.

Lost in thought about how to respond, I hadn't realized Caroline had reached out and grabbed my hand with hers, squeezing it tightly, "Hey, you can tell me."

I wanted so badly to squeeze it back and tell her how I felt and how I loved her…wait what? No, I didn't love her…I couldn't…

Shocked by my revelation, I jerked my hand back and turned to away from Caroline, "No, Care! I can't, you wouldn't understand! You don't get it!" I couldn't help myself, tears started to form and as I tried to wipe them away but they just kept falling. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just come up with another excuse? She would have left it alone…now she would figure it out…oh god, this was not happening.

"Elena…hey, hey." she gently laid her hand on my shoulder pulling me into a comforting hug. I wanted to run away and forget everything but I couldn't, "Forget about it, okay Elena. Don't worry. I'm here for you. Hey, its okay, it's gunna be okay." I laid my head against her chest and allowed myself to sob. Somehow Caroline's touch seemed to make everything better. Her words comforted me and I believed her. As long as I had Caroline everything was gunna be okay. I always felt safe with her.

Slowly, my body and my mind began to relax as my breathing returned to normal. Caroline had allowed me to cry into her chest as she just held me silently. God, how did she know how to make everything better, to make everything somehow okay. This was seriously not helping me to forget about her.

I had finally recovered and slowly turned my head and glanced up at Caroline, curious to see her reaction to everything that had just happened. She returned my gaze with this smile that just made my heart swell. How could she be so calm and understanding when I hadn't even told her what was going through my head.

Not knowing what came over me, I reached forward and pressed my lips against hers. Obviously taken aback, she pulled back ever so slightly, but still it was enough to bring me back to reality, filling my heart, which was just a second ago filled with such hope, with rejection and anger and most importantly, with unbearable sadness. I quickly turned away again, mentally slapping myself. As I was ready to get up and leave and never speak to Caroline again, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

This time the hand was strong and it pulled me back around with determination not comfort. With my eyes closed trying to hold onto unshed tears, I felt those perfectly luscious lips against mine once again.

While my brain had not even registered what was happening, my body and my heart instantly reacted, deepening the kiss. We continued to crash our lips together. When Caroline eventually pulled back ending what felt like the shortest kiss ever, I thought she had finally come to her senses. She was realizing that this was wrong, that she didn't want this. As I cautiously opened my eyes, expecting a look of disgust, I was instead greeted with the largest grin I had even seen. In spite of being unsure of what exactly it meant, I felt like my whole world was instantly made right again and all I could do was reply with a smile just a big.

Eventually, coming to my senses, I had realized what had just happened and confusion and curiosity swept over me. Why did Caroline kiss me back? Did she like me too? Or was she just afraid of hurting me? Did she possibly love me too?

"Care…I, I…" I couldn't form words. I was too happy, too nervous, too bewildered, "…why…how?"

Caroline instantly responded like she had been waiting to say it her whole life, "Elena, I have wanted to kiss you since the moment I met you!"

"What?" I said quietly as I felt my cheeks begin to redden.

Before I could say anything else or try and make sense of what had happened Caroline leaned back in and again crashed her lips against mine. She, yes she, quickly deepened the kiss, slightly parting her lips allowing my tongue entrance. Our tongues battled for dominance as I pulled myself on top of her, resting my hands of either side of her beautiful head. She reached her arms around my neck, entangling her hands in my hair as she pulled me closer. I couldn't help but release a moan as her hands slowly slid down the nape of my neck and down my spine, each touch leaving a burning sensation against my skin.

I wanted to love all of her, I wanted to learn and memorize her whole body so I could love each and every inch of her. With a mind of its own, my hand reached to the bottom of her blouse slowly creeping up under it, towards her breast. I needed to feel her, to know her, as my fingers found her braless breast and slowly but firmly cupped it. She responded with a deep groan against my lips, giving me the confidence I needed. My body took over as I began to massage her nipple with my thumb using my other hand to now hold her waist as I slowly rolled my hips against hers. She immediately reciprocated by matching my pace and moving her hands from my waist, slowly along my ass and my outer thighs as she made her way back up to my hips, holding me against her.

She moaned against my lips as I began to massage her other nipple. She then moved her mouth down along my jawline tracing it with her tongue, eliciting a moan of my own as she continued down my neck placing slow delicate kisses at every inch. Overcome with the sensation, I wanted nothing more than to rip her clothes off and make all of her mine, but I eventually came to my senses and realized I hadn't fallen in love with her just to begin our relationship with sex, I wanted this to be real, not just physical. As her lips pulled away from my neck to allow herself a chance to catch her breath, I slowly stopped our passionate encounter, gently pulling myself off of her.

"Is something wrong?" Caroline breathed, a confused look on her face as she continued to try and normalize her breath.

Taking a second to recollect myself, I replied honestly, done with hiding my true feelings, "No, not at all," I gave her a reassuring smile as she met my gaze, "I, I just have wanted this for so long and I don't want to ruin what we have now by taking this any further. I mean, there is nothing that I want more than to be with you completely, but I just want to take this slow, naturally...I just don't want to mess this up…" I tried to explain, beginning to ramble.

To my surprise, Caroline silenced me with a quick peck on the lips, "I get, I don't want to ruin this either…Just as long as we don't completely go back to what we had, you know, before tonight…" giving me a shy smile.

"Trust me that will not be happening," giggling, suddenly overcome with this sense of confidence I hadn't felt in forever.

"Good," Caroline replied smiling. We both laid there in a comfortable silence just staring into each other's eyes. I was finally truly content, when suddenly her face darkened and a seriousness crept over her features, "What are we going to tell people?"

Crap…I had completely forgotten that we lived in a town where not being straight wasn't really accepted…at all. No one would understand our relationship, our love…wait…I just realized that we literally just came to terms with our feelings for one other. Obviously Caroline felt some sort of attraction towards me but I had no idea if she loved me back. My mind raced with thoughts on how we would continue our relationship and what our relationship even was, Matt and the people of our town being the furthest thing from my mind.

"Elena?"

I snapped back to reality, "Umm…honestly? I have no idea, but maybe we should just keep it a secret, you know until we figure out what we are and what we do eventually want to tell people. It could be our thing, you know, discovering where and how far we both want to take this. Just you and me."

"I like the sound of that," she replied smiling again, leaning in for another kiss. I easily reciprocated as we returned to making out, this time keeping touching to a minimum, despite my longing to touch her in more places than just her face. We continued for a while, until we heard a knock on my door. Thanking god it had been closed, we quickly untangled ourselves, laying our heads on our pillows. Instantly knowing to pretend to be asleep from years of practice as little kids, we both closed our eyes, shallowing our breaths.

With my right eye slightly open, I watched as my mom slowly opened the door, barely poking her head in. Seeing us "fast asleep", she smiled and carefully re-closed the door. Once hearing my parents' door open and shut, I immediately turned back to Caroline, both of us giggling.

We fell into another comfortable silence allowing each other to fall asleep. My turn to comfort her, I wrapped my arms around Caroline's waist pulling her close to me. She nuzzled her head against my chest wrapping her arms over mine, our legs messily, but comfortably entangled.

Just as I was falling unconscious, my mind and body tired from the night's events, I just barely heard Caroline's whisper.

"Goodnight, 'Lena"

"Goodnight, Care" I replied gently in her ear. I quickly heard her breaths shallow and even out. Sure she was fast asleep, I kissed her on the back of her head, adding, "I love you."

 **AN: Thanks for reading! If you liked it or have some _constructive_ criticism, please let me know in the reviews. :) If you guys want to see more, I was thinking about going into Caroline's pov as well. Tell me what you guys think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hey Guys! So it's been like 2 months since I posted the first chapter. I've been really busy with school and I also wasn't really sure where I wanted to go with the story but now I think I have an idea of what I want to do. I love the few reviews and opinions I got and hopefully you guys will continue to follow this story. :) Please R+R and I hope you enjoy the chapter! :)**

It's been a week since that night with Caroline and things between us have really been amazing. We've been hanging out even more than we used to, if that's even possible. We haven't really talked much about what we are and what we're doing, it's just been a wonderful blissful week of stolen kisses in the library and holding hands at the mall and maybe some make out sessions here and there. If I had known Caroline would react this is way, I might have done something a long time ago. I might never have agreed to go out with Matt.

That reminds me, despite all this stuff with Caroline, I still haven't broken up with Matt. I know, I know, I need to do it, but the way he reacted when I explained why I backed out at the party just prevented me from being able to do it. He was so understanding and he told me how he would love me no matter what. I mean, how am I supposed to break up with that? I couldn't do that to him, he's my best friend. But I guess that's exactly it, he's my friend not the love of my life or anything like that. Instead of telling him how I feel, I've kind of been avoiding him, not wanting to deal with what's going on and what I know I have to do.

Anyways, it's Sunday evening and Caroline is coming over in 20 minutes to, um...study for chemistry. We have been "studying" a lot lately. Except, this past weekend, my family made me go to our lake house for the whole weekend and I haven't seen Caroline since Friday after school. I've been thinking about her all weekend and I can't wait to see her and her smiling face. My parents and Jeremy are out, so we'll have the whole place to ourselves.

I guess she must be early, because I hear the doorbell ring. I rush down the stairs, almost tripping on one of the steps i'm so excited. I reach the bottom, and quickly open the door. But I try not to let my smile drop when I find a nervous looking Matt at the door instead of Caroline.

"Oh! Matt...I wasn't, um, expecting you," I awkwardly get out as I stand in the doorway. I notice he's holding something behind his back while I watch as he awkward shifts his feet and clears his throat.

"Oh, yea...sorry, I didn't mean to intrude but since you know we haven't, um, seen much of each other lately, I just thought that i'd come by..." Of course! God, you're such an idiot Elena! Your his girlfriend, of course he would want to see you after you've been avoiding him and have been gone for a whole weekend.

"...And I thought you'd maybe want to go out tonight," he says as he pulls a small bouquet of roses from behind him, smiling nervously.

I look more closely now. I notice that he's wearing a plaid button up shirt and jeans, much nicer than his usual outfits, and that his hair is nicely combed back. I see him standing there with roses in hand, his heart on his sleeve and I realize that I didn't think about him once this weekend. I now know that I have to end this. Matt deserves so much more than what I can give him. He deserves someone who will give to him what he so often tries to give to me.

"Matt," I quietly say, looking down at my feet, "I think we need to talk." I look up at him again and see his smile drop and a more obvious look of nervousness but also understanding appear on his face. Was he expecting this? "Do you want to come inside?"

"Oh," he replies, "Yea, sure." I move, my back to the door, as I allow him in. He walks past and immediately sits down on the couch as he always does when he comes over to hang out. He slowly puts the roses on the coffee table and then puts his hands in his lap, his head down. I quietly close the door and then walk over to sit next to him.

I'm not really sure how to say this so I pause to think about what I'm doing. After waiting so long to do what needed to be done a while ago, I decide to just come out with it, "I think we should break up."

Matt continues to look down at his hands, giving no indication that he heard me besides the millions of emotions that flash by his face. Hurt, disappointment, sadness, and what looks like, maybe, anger? He stays quiet for the longest time so I try to break the most awkward silence ever, and attempt to explain myself.

"Look Matt, I care about you but it's just-"

"I thought this might happen" he interrupts with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "With how distant you've been lately." He shakes his head and releases a sigh without ever lifting his gaze.

"Matt…"

"No! I'm not dumb, Elena. I've noticed how you've been avoiding me lately," he takes a pause, but then a look of determination falls on his face as he finally turns to face me, "But, I know you. I know us! And I'm not giving up on what we have! I love you and I know you love me too!"

"Yes, I do love you Matt, just not like, like…" I stutter trying to come up with the right way to say this, "...like that." Wow, great choice of words Elena!

"What do you mean, 'like that'?" he spits at me. Oh great! This was not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to be sad and heartbroken but eventually accept it and move on.

"I just mean that, I really care about you and I do love you...but just as a friend, as my best friend." I say hesitantly, "Just not in the way that you love me…"

'Not in the way I love Caroline' I think to myself, not daring to say the words aloud.

For a second I can see that he's hurt but the emotion quickly turns back to anger and determination. And I know i've said the wrong thing as I watch him stand up.

"Dammit, Elena! I know you, don't lie to me. We've been together for almost a year, you can't just give up on what we have now!"

He's practically yelling now and i'm starting to get angry too. I mean, I know I strung him along, but i've never once told him that I loved him like that. My heart has always belong to Caroline. I get ready to strike back, frustrated that he won't listen to me and understand that it's over. But, before I can get a word out, he surprises me and his voice goes soft again.

"God, Elena, I love you so much. I know what we have means something and i'm not giving up on us." I can't help myself, my eyes brim with unshed tears as he sits back down and grabs my hands in his, "I know we can fix this...I'll do anything to fix this." he says pleadingly, a hopeful look in his eyes.

I just sit there staring at him, speechless. I'm too focused on keeping myself from crying that I can't think of what to say. It wasn't supposed to be this hard, why is this so hard?

It's getting harder and harder not to cry as he just stares at me expectantly, with so much hope and love in his eyes. Love that I can never return. Eventually, I can see him start to get angry again. He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off before this escalates and one of us says something we both regret.

"You know what, Matt? Maybe you should just go…" I say shakily, trying to get him out before I either start crying or yelling back at him, "We should talk about this when you're not quite so angry…"

He closes his mouth slowly and hesitates a second before responding, as if thinking of whether or not to fight back.

"...Fine." he stands up to leave, but not before giving me one last glance filled with hurt, anger

and also determination, "Just know, that this isn't over, we're not over."

He stomps out of the house and I hear the door slam shut behind me. I don't move, I don't cry, all I can do is stare at the wall in front of me and try and comprehend what the fuck just happened.

 **AN: So I'm not totally sure how I feel about this chapter. I wasn't sure how I wanted Matt to react but I decided on this. I'm planning to use this drama with Matt as part of the plot for this story if I do continue it, so let me know what you thought. Again thanks for reading and please review!**


End file.
